The End (of the day)

The long drives home from my ex-girlfriend's house were always the longest and loneliest ones. I would look back at the conversations and feelings we had shared with each other and evaluate them. I'm not really sure what I was looking for, it was just like I wanted to go back and think, not feel, them. My thoughts would eventually turn to some deep interpretation about life and death or something along those lines. The reason I'm saying this is because, tonight I was driving home from my girlfriend's house feeling and thinking the same way. The nostalgia was almost overwhelming, but without fail, my thoughts turned to deep thoughts about life and death. I also thought about how I would portray these thoughts if I had to write them down and this is about as far as I got so bear/bare(?) with me. I'm not writing this as some life changing story on how I overcame an obstacle or learned a valuable lesson through my struggles. It's simply a story of what's shaped my life and philosophies up until now. During the drive home, I'm normally listening to techno/house music or the oldies that the radio stations play at night, maybe that's what adds to my nostalgia. Maybe it's just the night. Maybe it's just being alone, with no one to share my thoughts with. They always sound silly when spoken out loud. I'd prefer to share them with words on a paper or screen than lose the value of them. Anyways, this particular night had me thinking, "What if this life, this existence is all we get? What if once we pass away, there is no cloudy heaven to move onto, no resurrection, no afterlife?" I've always been a firm believer, or rather, had a firm hope that there was something after death. That death was just another stage in our continued existence. That the soul would move on and our body was just a shell that transported us through this part of our existence. Let's be honest, the thought of not existing anymore scares the hell out of me. I've found that the truths that are the hardest to accept are often true though. The world is my home and I love it, but I'll be the first to admit it has its flaws. If there is a higher power, it balanced out all the good in this world with some harsh realities. Famine, rape, murder, war, disease, injustice, and insanity are all the kicks in the face humanity has had to endure and that isn't even the tip of the iceberg. The even bigger kick is how we are by nature. I'm not trying to argue that people are naturally good or evil. I'd say all of us are shades of gray, everyone has their dark secret even if it's only stealing a stick of gum from your friend. However, many of the woes we face are our own doing, and that will never change. It's in our blood to survive. Sometimes this drive causes us to do horrible things to others, but there are always two sides to every story. Eventually all of us have to face the dark of night and make the best of it. If there is nothing after death, then life is all we have. I guess what I'm trying to say is at the end of the day, all we have is our actions from the day. When you are closing your eyes, ushering everything else out and you think of how you spent the precious minutes of that day will you be happy with the impression you left? Or during those last instances before the clock strikes twelve, will you be wishing for another twenty-four hours to set things straight?